Only Fooling Myself
by sailormoonfreak5311
Summary: “Yes it does, Rachel,” I say seriously, “I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I don’t want to hurt you just because I can.” Puckleberry


I didn't know that Rachel could play the guitar, but there she was playing my guitar and singing a song I had never heard before. I was coming in to get it because I had left it in the choir room overnight when I heard her; it was one of those indie chick songs. I didn't think that she knew anything other than those show tunes she's always going on about.__

I stop to catch my breath  
And I stop to catch your eye  
No need to second guess  
That you've been on my mind

I could tell after the first verse that she was singing about Finn. Of course. He's gets everything. He's got the head cheerleader and the glee ringleader both wrapped around his finger. I don't know what makes me angrier. The he's got Quinn and doesn't appreciate her or that he has Rachel waiting for something that even she knows is never going to happen. Quinn's pregnant and he has to take care of _his_ child. Stupid idiot, didn't he pay attention in health class? I look back to Rachel and she seems to be lost in the song. I don't think she even realizes that I am here.

_I dream days away, but that's okay  
It's like I want to hear a silent sound  
And then hold it in my hand  
But a rose won't blossom from a ground  
Of desert sand, but I like to pretend that_

One day I'll turn around  
I'll see your hand reach out  
I'm only fooling myself, oh  
But maybe when you smile  
It means you'd stay awhile  
Just maybe, you'd save me now  
Save me now

Wow this girl has it bad for a guy that she can't have. This is the one time I have seen Rachel vulnerable. I have seen this girl hurt and humiliated but never vulnerable. She puts up a good front and I don't blame her. She has a lot to deal with. Me being a big problem. I know I shouldn't throw those slushies at her but this is high school. Its survival. She knows it. And I know it.

"So you do know it's never going to happen. Good because I was beginning to think you were as clueless as you were annoying" I interrupt.

She stops playing and looks at me. She seems surprised that I'm here

"Of course I know it's never going to happen. That doesn't stop me from wanting it too," she responds.

I just look at her. I really look at her for the first time. I mean for a Gleek she's not bad looking. Plus those legs of hers goddamn. I could write a song about those legs. But let's not get side tracked here Puck. I look at her face and I can tell she's expecting me to say something mean and biting. I can see her wall going up.

"Yeah, Berry I know what that's like." I say sympathetically.

What can I say I like her vulnerable. It makes her seem human. We all know that normally Berry is like bat-shit crazy. But next thing I know I see that wall go shooting up as she walks over and gets all up in my face.

"I don't need any fake pity from you Noah! You have made it quite evident where you stand on caring about my feelings. "She spits.

"Whoa Berry I wasn't kidding. Way to get your panties in a bunch." I say while slowly backing away.

"How could you possibly know how I feel? Mr. I am so hot no girl can resist me. Tell me how you could know how I feel!" She yells.

I'm just standing here watching Rachel get so worked up that she's practically crying. I hate crying women. I never know what to say to them. So just end up standing there like some douche bag watching them cry. So I decide to say something that I hope will shut her up.

"Quinn. It always been Quinn." I say.

She stops her ranting and looks at me. Her eyes are questioning. I sit down on the steps and urge her to do the same. I start spilling my guts. I don't know why I decide to tell her everything. But I do. How I have wanted Quinn since the day I joined the football team and there she was at cheerleading practice. How when I found out she had decided to date Finn I punched a hole in the all of the locker room. How when one night at a party we hooked up because we were both drunk and Finn wasn't there. I told her about how on the following Monday she didn't even look at me much less talk to me. I told her about how Quinn's baby was mine, and how she wouldn't even let me help her. And while I went on and on about how I felt about Quinn, Rachel just sat there and listened to me. I had never had someone just sit there and listen to me before. Everyone in this freaking town judges me because of some stupid mistakes and misconceptions, but not her. She just nodded and urged me forward telling me it was healthy to let thing out once in a while.

Once I was done telling her everything I turn to look at her. I start to say something to her but she stops me.

"Don't worry Noah. I won't tell anyone." She says quietly.

"Why?" I ask her.

"Because if I did I would be no better than all of those people in the hallway trying to make my life miserable." She says softly.

Next thing I know "I'm sorry" slips out of my mouth.

"Why are you sorry Noah?" she says confused.

"Because I'm one of them." I say as if it should be obvious.

"You stopped being 'one of them' when you told me about Quinn. You showed me that you're more than just the guy who throws slushies in my face every morning." She says, "And I know this moment between us doesn't change a thing. But it will make me hate you less when you do it tomorrow."

She smiles at me and starts to get up. I reach for her hand to pull her back down.

"Yes it does, Rachel," I say seriously, "I don't want to be that guy anymore. I don't want to hurt you just because I can."

She sits back down next to me looking confused.

"Won't this hurt your reputation?" she asks.

"Screw my reputation. This is more important." I say looking at her.

"What is this?" she asks.

"Whatever just changed between us Berry," I say simply, "I'd rather have people think less of me than have you hate me."

Next thing I know Rachel leans in and kisses me. It's a quick soft kiss. She pulls back and smiles at me. I smile back at her. And then she leans her head on my shoulder and doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. This leaves us undefined but I think she prefers it that way. We just sit there like that until the bell rings and every one from glee stars pouring in. We get funny looks from everyone but I don't care. She just grabs my hand and leads me over to two chairs and sits down. We just smile at each other and get ready to start rehearsal.


End file.
